Vladimir Putin: Boxers or Briefs?

Does Putin wear boxers or briefs?

Boxers or briefs? An age-old question posed to men. Emphasis on the word old. Because we are living in a new era for men’s underwear – thankfully!

Jocks, tangas and G-Strings (oh my!). Underwear drawers are bursting with variety. However, the wider world might not have caught up with Body Aware’s enlightened customers. (Though the thought of one day hearing a male Presidential candidate asked if he’s a ‘Boxers, briefs or… Lace Thong bodysuits?’ kinda guy is certainly one that lifts our spirits.)

So, for now, we take what we can, and it’s interesting to see what’s big when it comes to men’s smalls.

And who hasn’t speculated what certain male celebrities are sporting under their slacks? It’s not as frivolous as it may seem, either. People’s underwear can reflect their values.

Pants can be political.

Think about it. Y-Fronts – traditional. Harks back to those ‘simpler’ days of guys bonding in the locker room. Boxer briefs? Usually a younger gent who has grown up in a world where men are allowed to take care of their appearances, and are celebrated for showing off their assets more.

So it’s not nuts to wonder about, well, what a man’s wearing over his nuts. Which brings us onto a peculiar question.  Vladimir Putin: boxers or briefs?

Could Putin be a briefs man?

Let’s start with a likely scenario. Vladimir Putin is an older man. At 70 years old – born in 1952 – it’s very probable that slips and y-fronts were the norm for boys, teens and grown men alike.

If he was indeed a briefs man, don’t expect them to be the modern cuts and sleek styles we see from many brands today – including our own range of Italian Shaper Briefs or Rip Stop Pouch Briefs. No, no. Putin would be wearing cotton classics. Utilitarian undies. Pants that serve a purpose – and nothing more.

There are some possibilities which make us doubt whether briefs dominate his drawers.

Briefs, even the plainer styles, are comfortable. That’s just a fact – it’s why men wear them for exercise and it’s why briefs were the go-to for men’s gonads for decades. Could a man as irrational and irritable as Putin be enjoying the easy breeziness of briefs? The light feeling of nothing bunching up? The comfort and absorption of cotton briefs?

If he is wearing briefs, he isn’t wearing the right fit.

Could Putin be a boxers man?

Which brings us on to boxers.

Though we don’t like to play favourites with undies – some days are thong days, other days are Modal Boxer briefs days – a day which rarely falls on our calendars are boxer shorts days.

Baggy. Shapeless. Sexless.

Boxer shorts evoke body-conscious teenage boys, hiding every bulge or curve from the world. Boxer shorts evoke divorced Dad who has given up on making a positive impression on a potential mate (which is why we think a man’s underwear really can affect the divorce rate).

Usually in dull patterns or colors – because god forbid men get to have fun with fashion too! – boxer shorts box men into rigid binaries and categories.

So, yes, we can see Putin’s drawers brimming with plaid, checked and grey boxers.

The verdict

He’s a baggy-boxer wearing brute. They ride up. They don’t offer much support. They don’t belong in the modern world.

Sounds like the perfect fit for the man who helped usher in the banning of lacy underwear, after all.

A man who fears adventure and expression in underwear is a man who fears freedom and liberation in life.